fabrizio pt 2
lol i’ve found another one. another reason to go to the gym. and like…idk i think it’s promising - bc what are the odds that he gets on a nearby treadmill just a few min after i get on one and he happens to finish up RIGHT AS I DO? 👀
my sleep anxiety is acting up :(
i know im in a full emo place when i start listening to one direction radio
whatttt i can’t believe you unfriended me on facebook when you never even USE IT? what a little BITTTTTTXCHCHCHCH. whatttt the FUCKKKKKK. i also barely post there so what was the pOINT????????
i wish i could just take a break from life for a quick bit
it’s a lot to deal with this uninvited interpersonal drama occurring with a delayed onset in addition to my work, my well being, my other interpersonal relationships…
and it feels like im being made out as a villain when all i’ve done is try to talk about my feelings in a constructive way, get shut down, retreat, and then show honesty when asked about where we stand? which is that the message that i got loud and clear is that we dont??
like why are you surprised by that? why do you feel rejected? and why does your rejection matter more than the rejection i felt and expressed six months ago?
today was strange. i’m weirdly sensitive and scared all my friends hate me.
but i also finished translating a bunch of Mayan and feel accomplished.
i guess i’ll watch ella enchanted and eat a 더위사냥 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
i dont love when i just get random memory flashes without being able to identify a trigger. bc sometimes, while the memory itself isn’t about something painful, it still hurts to remember what i used to have.
i just had a vivid mental image of walking up the back of campus to zach’s graduation and being there with him and his dad while he dealt with a tummy ache and almost didn’t walk and idk just like…where was jess? why was i there?
why did i dream that he messaged me on kakaotalk the other night?
why am i missing him? did juju’s silly lil card game really unleash a tumbling of memories that i thought i’d buried? it just sucks. i miss him. i dont want to miss him. i want to have him in my life again. but he sucks. and it’s so confusing.